Many Are Called, ... But Few Stay Skinny

Email from  May 26th

The "Juan" 

Hello, dearest family and friends! I hope you all still love me and miss me. :* Well, what can I say? Spring is in full throttle and I am just LOVING life! It freaks me out a bit when I look outside in the morning and its summer because I know I'll be coming home in the summer. And then I have a mini panic attack. But then I get back to my yoga and all is well. Still. Time is flying at a terrifying rate! You'll be seeing my cute, chubby face in no time! That will be the day.

Alright, so now that Sister Orozco and I are back together on the scene in Montreal, CRAZY things have been happening. Haha. Never a dull moment in this companionship. So, story number one. We were trying to pass by a media referral but we couldn't find a parking spot near his house, so we decided to park at our returning member's house about half an hour before our appointment with her and just walk to the media referral. Well, we were out of the car for literally ten seconds when we found this cute little elderly lady in her nightgown picking up rocks on the sidewalk. Obviously we went up and tried to help her, but she was just as feisty as ever. She turned out to be this super cool lady with a lot of opinions about life and religion. She was very spiritual, just not religious. We had an amazing half hour conversation with her and finally she agreed to take a Book of Mormon. I had felt prompted to bring one with me, so luckily we had one right there. Well. Just as we're exchanging contact information, her grandson's bus pulls up. Two days before we talked to this kid who asked us to give him a Book of Mormon but we didn't have one on us. What do you know? In a completely different neck of the woods the SAME kid happens to be on her grandson's school bus. So he pokes his head out the window and is like, "Hey. Where's my Book of Mormon?" So at this point the lady is just bewildered, but determined not to give up her own copy that we just gave her. I run as fast as lightening to the car and rummage up our last Book of Mormon and hand it to the kid through the window. THEN get this. The bus driver is this cute Indian man, and he's watching the whole scene go down. So he says to me through the doors, "Mormon...... It's true?" And I'm just like, "Yeah, it's true!" So he says, "I want book. Give me book." MALHEUREUSEMENT.... we didn't have any left! Aaaah! And the kid and the little old lady were not ABOUT to give up their own copies to this man. We promised we'd give one to the kid to give to him, and he drove away happy. Can you imagine though? In the space of three minutes, THREE people were just CLAMORING for Book of Mormons! Ha ha! It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. I imagine that's what it must be like in South America. But Quebec? NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS! It was an experience I will NEVER forget.

Okay, another experience I will never, ever forget. Get ready for a funny story. Alright, so in Mission Leadership Council this Friday President Patrick was giving us a training on finding people. He shared this story about a man who waved at him and his companion on his mission in Italy and how they never turned around to talk to him. Ten years later he went back and that man was the Branch President. SO. The moral of the story is that if someone self contacts you, you MUST go contact them. Well, this is what leads me to MY story. The next day Sister Orozco and I were driving around LaSalle when this man starts waving at us. We're just like, "Aw, how sweet." And we keep driving. Well, President Patrick's story came back to haunt me, and the spirit was just like, "Turn the car around NOW." So I pull this move and just flip that car right back to where the man was walking. Well, as we're approaching we see that maybe he might be drunk. So Sister Orozco is like... "Hmmm... let's not." But by that point I was already out of the car. Haha. Okay, so this story is OBVIOUSLY something I will be reenacting when I get home, but I'll try to convey it the best I can through writing. I say, "Hello, how are you doing?" And he just looks at me with this glare and says, "....Why? .... WHY?" And I'm like, "Uh... well... we're missionaries, and we share a message about Jesus Christ. We saw you waving at us and we wanted to come say hi to you." Sister Orozco starts talking to him and he just says, "Oh, so you believe in God?" And we're like, "Yeah! Do you believe in God?" And he just looks at Sister Orozco and says, "I believe that she is beautiful. Do you believe that she's beautiful?" And I'm like, "Well, yeah I do!" And he just looks at me and says, "Get that STUPID look off your face." This is where I wish you could see me reenact the story, because being the feisty one that I am, I pull the most RIDICULOUS face at him. Haha. Couldn't help myself. He just yells, "STOP IT. Hey, you (back to Sister Orozco). If you want to talk to someone, go preach to your sisters over there." He points to these Indian girls on a balcony nearby. EVERYONE in the city of Montreal thinks Sister Orozco is Indian. It was literally the funniest thing of my life. But I had to stay in character because I'm a missionary. So this dude keeps saying, "Namaste" to Sister Orozco, and since I'm a missionary I'm trying to figure out his religious background. I ask, "Are you Buddhist?" And he just scowls at me and says, "No. I'm the Messiah." And I'm like, "Hmmm. Interesting. Are you sure you aren't Buddhist?" And he just gives me the deadliest glare. Well, poor Sister Orozco is just trying with all her might to give him a Restoration pamphlet. She says, "We have something for you." And he says, "WHAT?! Your DIAPER?!?" Hahahaha. Haven't heard an insult like that since the fourth grade. So I ask, "What's your name?" And he's like, "WHY.... WHY?" Then he looks at me and goes... "Juan. Juan Martinez." "OH! Nice to meet you Juan Martinez." "I'm not Juan. I'm the One. Do you believe in One?" And I say, "Uh... I believe in three...." And he just gives me this look. He says, "Do you believe you're beautiful?" And I was like, "Well, obviously." And he's like, "You're so beautiful..... What's my name?" And we say... "Juan Martinez?" And he says, "NO, what's my FIRST name?" And we're like... "Uh... Juan?" And then he just throws his death glare at us again. "No. I am the One." And I'm like, "Oh, the Juan!" AND THEN. Get this. HE SPITS ON US!!!!! Okay, exaggerating a little. He spat on our car, but he directed it at me. So he says, "Do you believe that I'm the Messiah? Do you believe that I am the Christ? GET THAT STUPID LOOK OFF YOUR FACE!" And I just look him straight in the eyes, trying not to lose my composure, I say, "Ummm... well... I don't think Jesus Christ would spit on our car...." Oh my heavens. Was Juan Martinez ever LIVID! So we hurried and got in the car as fast as we could. Shouldn't have provoked him! As I'm trying to get the keys in the ignition, he just pokes his head right in the window and says, "One day the devil's going to approach you. And he's going to be good looking. Don't you forget Juan Martinez. DON'T YOU FORGET HIM! I am the MESSIAH!" ANNNNND then I stepped on it and got the HECK out of there. We proceeded to scream for a good five minutes and then laugh and laugh and laugh as we reenacted the scene twenty times over. SO creepin.

Anyway, to make a long story short, there was a reason we were supposed to meet him. I was prompted to turn back, so I did. The next day I bore my testimony about how God loves all of his children, even Juan Martinez. And Juan needed an opportunity to hear the gospel just as much as the next person. I invited everyone to be that missionary for their friends. At the very least their friends won't spit on them if they try to share the gospel with them. Hopefully. Moral of the story, the worth of souls is great in the sight of God. Juan was hostile and horrible to us, but at least I was able to testify of Jesus Christ. It was an interesting week, to say the least. :)

I am doing well! I promise to stop being sassy to hostile, insane people. But that's what makes missionary work interesting! The rest of the day we talked to some of the kindest people I have ever met, so Heavenly Father sends us tender mercies along the way in the midst of harrowing experiences. Anyway, I hope you all have a FABULOUS week! I'm just living the dream out here. I never want it to end. Sorry for the SUPER long story. I hope you got a little bit of a laugh out of it. If not, I promise to reenact it when I come home. Love you all lots and lots and LOTS! Missing the heck out of yous guys every single DAY! Peace and blessings.

Love,

Soeur Cutler

Email from June 2

Many Are Called, ... But Few Stay Skinny

Hello, cute newts! How is my favorite P-town posseeeee doing? Ugh. Can I just tell you all (y'all) how much I am MISSING you? It's unbearable at times. Truly, it is. Trunkyness is REAL. And it frightens me. But now worries, I am STILL having the time of my life and loving every single minute of my mission. I really can't imagine it ending, and the thought if it ending makes me quite gloomy. But in other news. Spring is SO beautiful out here! I am loving every minute of this weather. There's green everywhere and the magnolia blossoms have now faded. Summer is on its way! It makes me nervous, but happy all at once. I'm just a whirlwind of emotions right now!

Alright, so the highlights of the week... well. So far Hermana Orozco and I have managed to have something RIDICULOUS happen every week since we became companions. Here's the story of this week. On Thursday I FINALLY went on exchanges with my long-lost MTC companion, Sister Landeen. It. Was. HEAVENLY! I love that woman to death. It was nice to actually teach together in the real missionary world. At the end of our exchange we decided to have our interview along the river and enjoy the beautiful view and luscious breeze. Well, somewhere along the way I dropped our cell phone. After we unexchanged Sister Orozco and I raced like mad to find it, but to no avail. C'est pas grave-luhhh... it's only like the second phone I've lost since I've been in this area. Anyway, we go to pick up our chaperone Lawanda for our next appointment, and when we get there she has the elders on the other line. The elders then inform us that some CRAZY stole our phone and told them he'd give it back to us for $100. Ain't nobody got time for that! The elders thought he had to be kidding, so they agreed to meet with him on the street he indicated. Well, I knew that this fool was a crackhead. So I told the elders we'd be over there to handle the situation ourselves. For all we knew Juan Martinez probably picked up the phone and held it for ransom. We head over there and meet the elders at the assigned spot. No phone, no Juan Martinez, no crackhead, NOTHING. I was SO mad. The elders said they called him when they got there but told him they didn't have the $100 (good, honest elders), so the guy said, "No money? NO PHONE!" And hung up! He was holding a $20 flip phone for ransom from missionaries! Who does that? I told those elders to call up this dude again. I was going to deal with him. .... He didn't answer. So we called a feisty sister in our ward to deal with him. Hahaha. Funniest thing of my life. She's just like, "Oh don't worry. By the time I'm done with this sicko he's going to .... *expletive *expletive *expletive." She calls him up and tells him she's a lawyer (by the way, she's not) and that there's a GPS on our phone (by the way, there's not) and that if he doesn't give it back to us she's going to knock every single door in the streets of Verdun until she finds him, and then he'll wish he'd never been born. LOLz. Funniest woman ever! To make a long story short--we didn't get our phone back. But we laughed our heads off with the elders and had quite an adventure that night!

The next item of business. Sister Orozco and I will become youtube celebs by the time we're home. So Hermana had an eye infection this week, which meant we had to sit for two hours at the clinic waiting for the doctor. Well, what are two sista sistas supposed to do for two hours in a doctor's office besides listen to the radio and go through every single picture they've ever taken on their mission? We decided that the best use of our time would be to make up a SONG! And oh my heavens... it is literally the funniest thing of my life. Every time we sing it people are in TEARS. I'm not even making this up. It will DEFINITELY be on youtube when we get back, and yes, it will get a million mormon views. It's called, "Many Are Called, But Few Stay Skinny," set to the tune of "A Whole New World." It's a song documenting the many changes sister missionaries go through on their mission, *cough cough* gaining weight *cough cough.* Coming to a facebook page near you. It will be the greatest homecoming present ever, besides me, of course.

Anyway, that was the week that was! We had stake conference this weekend and yodeled out a song with the Relief Society. Love me some RS vibratto! It was a Canada-wide broadcast with Elder Holland, President Eyring, Linda K. Burton, and someone from the 70. Be jealous! We had a fun week, but plenty of trials and frustrations to get us down. On Sunday night we had a tender mercy! We were about to come home for dinner to some burnt rice that I made and some pinto beans, when my FAVE family (the Morales fam) invited us for a BBQ! Gah! I love BBQs. It was the perfect summer evening to end the most ridiculous week. I'm just having tons of fun out here and am loving every minute of this beautiful weather. I wish you could all see how beautiful it is! No worries. At least in a couple months you'll all be able to see how beautiful I am, and that's all that really matters. ;)

Love you all infinitely and I hope you're having a fantastic summer! Go get some shaved ice in my honor! I LOVE that stuff. Take care, lovers. Have a beautiful week! Missing you is easy 'cuz you're missable.

Love,

Syl